MARRIAGE IN MODERN TIMES

July 12, 2017


Marriage_Bond

You can’t live in today’s world with yesterday’s knowledge and expect anything to work for you.
- Kelvin

Have you ever wondered why most marriages are merely “plastic” – they never last more than a year – not to say some don’t? It is majorly due to the changes in time. Time is considered synonymous with a river, “No one can step into the same river twice”. Most couples are constantly fighting not just a battle between each other but within each other as they do not know the right approach to marriage or the root cause of the conflicts - not just the “now” or surface symptoms. We are in a time we are not trained for!

Let me take you back into time, the industrial and agricultural age, before the advent of the intellectual society where being brave, macho, muscles and physical strengths or abilities are considered “a thing” of dominance. Men simply lord due to how they are built physically stronger than their female.  They wage war, have large farms, work in factories, have large families and take slaves mostly women from wars. Women are considered weaker vessels due to their physical abilities and not their intellectual sagacity and are totally regarded as properties – not to say they aren’t great women then – a man can buy or own as long as he can provide for her survival while she bares him children.
The women at these times, industrial and agricultural societies, are totally subservient to the male folks. They have voice which cannot be heard, face that cannot be seen, abilities that cannot be expressed and purpose that cannot be fulfilled. They are called baby-factories, homemakers, housewives or any other suitable degrading names. At these times, women are at the mercies of their husbands or fathers as they depend totally on the male folks for their survival and sustenance, we can say the women’s life is as a dictate of the men.

Survival is the basic reason for the total submission of women at these periods not culture or religious beliefs.

It is a known fact that humans will do anything to survive, and this survival instinct has been a major dictate of the contemporary marriage system where men are the provider bound to provide for their wife or wives and their children. Therefore, they are respected and loved by all.

However times has changed, we live in a society where our agricultural systems are mechanized and our factories are automated and physical strength is only as good for a sporting activities or working for security companies. Women in this age do not need men to survive anymore (some still do) and the respect men receive from the women for being the provider or their life support is gone like the wind.

You can also read: COMMUNICATION

We can therefore classify the men and women into three major broad categories based on the template they are have towards marriage and relationship in general. They are:
  1.  Native men and women
  2.  Modern men and women
  3.   Mixed men and women  

Marriage

Native men believe their wife or partner should be submissive to them as long as they are providing what the woman needs. They see the woman as a property and are of the opinion that the more the better. They believe their wife has no right to question their action or inaction as her life sustenance is at their mercy. They are macho and mostly use their masculinity to have their way in every situation with a woman with this catchy phrase, “I’m the man”. Native men consider themselves alpha and omega of their household and believe they know everything about being a husband and a father as long as they can provide their family financial needs.

Native women believe all they need to be happy in life is to find the man of their dream not for love but for sustenance. They search for someone they can cast all their burdens on – no man can be like Jesus. They are totally dependent on men for their survival. Such women are considered the best model of a wife in the pre-modern world. They are mostly looking for “made-men” to marry as they seek happiness and financial freedom in their partner - man.  

Modern men believe in equality between man and woman. They are independent men and seeks companionship and co-independence not because of what they can provide but because they do not take pride in their masculinity but in their humanism. They are confident around women irrespective of her achievement and resources.

Modern women are independent women and are mostly attributed the appellation of feminist due to their financial independence. They seek love and companionship with the underlining believes in equality of gender. They believe in co-independence and do not need a man to be happy.

Mixed men and women are shares both the attribute of modern and native men and women respectively.

You might be tempted to ask, what then is the problem in marriage? Yes, the problem is when a native man marries a modern woman there will be war as the man will demand for submission which the wife cannot give as she believes in equality. Also when a modern man marries a native woman, the marriage will be a total disaster as the woman will depend on the man for everything he cannot give.

Finding someone who shares the same ideology with you concerning marriage is therefore a necessity for happy married life. It is therefore important to know the kind the kind of man and woman you are and that of your partner. You can only give what you have. Miracle does not happen at the marriage altar.


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